Miss Memory Lane by Colton Haynes

Colton Haynes became a star with his roles on the TV series Teen Wolf and Arrow. No one could know by looking the difficult road to get there and the hollowness of arrival.

His memoir is brutally honest, and his destructive history with explicit descriptions may not appeal to everyone. His teenage runaway mother raised Colton, his brother, and two other daughters by two other fathers in a chaotic home, moving often - Arkansas, Kansas, New Mexico. She met his dad in rehab, an abusive alcoholic whose attention Colton craved. Both parents were equal instigators; she was a tornado, drunk every day, purple and black from fighting. They eventually divorced, which brought unknown boyfriends and more moving. She worked nights as a bartender and passed bad checks. His dad eventually overdosed on alcohol and OxyContin.

He was molested by an uncle at age six, and as a gay teenager at fourteen was having sex with men in their forties. With a fake ID, he was a go-go dancer in a gay bar at fifteen and discovered theater and modeling in high school. Soon, he was landing jobs with a top New York agency, being photographed by Bruce Weber for Abercrombie and Fitch and XY magazine. He leveraged his looks into acting, trying out in Hollywood where being under eighteen doesn't stop them from grooming you. After dubious acting classes, his mannerisms and voice were deemed "too gay", and no jobs would come until he acted his look - the dumb jock. He was cast in Teen Wolf when he was 22, then the superhero show Arrow, and the film San Andreas. Under the strain of living a double life, fearful of his gay past resurfacing, he starved himself and took Adderall. Constantly lonely and too depressed to work, he drank to excess and had dangerous sexual partners. Waking up in a hospital after an overdose of Xanax gave him two seizures, he was blind in one eye and unable to walk. The road to recovery began there. At thirty, he publicly came out, working towards sobriety through rehab, and has become an outspoken role model for the gay community.

Only being valued for your looks or body is destructive. Do men desire you because you are valuable, or have sex with you because you are worthless? Childhood abuse is not comprehended, but sex as a gay teenager may be the only acceptance you have. As an actor, selling your body sets a price on your worth.

This heartbreaking story is often difficult to read. He bravely examines his self-destructive behavior, showing we never know what lives the 'stars' we admire have led.

2022 / Hardcover / 256 pages